Communicating with others can be a source of intense stress, which we often do not realize. Indeed, the way we communicate with other people is vital in managing stress.

However much one may be a natural speaker or have received training in it, one factor that we most always overlook while communicating, is whether we are good listeners. Like with speaking, one may be a natural born listener, and if one is not, it can be acquired by training, to be a good listener i.e. a good communicator, this is a must.

The art of listening is dependent on the responsiveness to the needs of the person who is speaking. All through, these needs are being signaled by non-verbal communication. Therefore, a good listener realizes that if he listens to his own needs only, instead of that of the speaker, he will surely miss most of what is being said to him, whether verbal or non-verbal. His own ‘transmission’ will interfere and block out the messages and twist the conversation into a competition as to whose needs are the most.

Definitely, everyone needs to be listened to, but to-be a good listener, one should know, when to talk! To be a good listener, you cannot bottle up your own needs! These needs should not be suppressed inside – rather they should be met, but in the right quantum.

Some of our basic needs are met by conversation. When a new conversation starts, basically identities and purposes of each person needs to be established. Even two persons totally strangers to each other will get along better if they know each others names, rather than remain quiet or indifferent. Identity can also be established by other means. Sharing of information about jobs, also finding out as to why they are there at the same place and time. Those who have met earlier, and need to contact again, generally carry their feelings about each other of their previous encounter and start from that point on.

Both people feel the need for security. The more the need, the more they will make the efforts for making time available for conversation. Therefore a good listener will give the impression that he has all the time in the world to talk, even if he does not. Thus helping the others feel secure, is greatly repaid. The feeling is that of relaxation – and stress melts away.

The next set of needs is one where there is a sense of belonging, leading to an ease with the other person. Touching is one way to establishing the acceptance of the other. A touch on the arm, an arm around the shoulder, a handshake or standing close by. Even eye contact is an effective in showing acceptance.
By accepting a person, we make him feel special and wanted. He realizes that he is valued for who he is, not for what he is. An honest approach is a key factor in good listening.

What happens when we talk? It helps us to enhance the value of our resources. By talking, we can find solutions to many of our problems, unload our negativism, fill in time which is not wasteful, in short, to be ourselves. Imagine a world without communication, where we can only guess what we are worth to others and what others are worth to us. There is a whole world within us of which we simply do not value. Conversation unravels, opens and teaches us to make full use of it.

Has anyone anywhere taught how one should listen? How ridiculous is the assumption that the ability to listen is a natural one and that no training is required ! imagine, this extraordinary fact that no effort is made anywhere in the entire educational system to teach how to listen so that the full circle can be achieved well enough to make speaking effective for communication.

Better communication contributes directly in brining about better relationships.
Better relationships, of any kind can reduce the stress.
Skills of listening can be improved by anyone, of any age, at any time, by training, observation and practice. By accepting, other people as you wish to be accepted, removes distress.

Communicate and remove stress at home.
Communicate and reduce stress at your work place
Communicate and banish stress from your life

Are you listening? Are you willing to communicate? Effectively !